So What's Next?

     I have been kind of quiet recently and haven't had much to write about.  Our life is slowly but surely going back to "normal" even though our " new normal" is different kind of normal.  Cate's due date came and I wasn't near as anxious as I thought I would be.  That morning I opened up my Bible and the verse that I turned it to was Luke 8:52 "Stop wailing, she's not dead, she's just asleep" that pretty much comforted me throughout the day.  She lives in me everyday in my heart and not a day goes by that I do not think about her.  I just picture her running ahead of me, beating me at the race to get there.
     The healing will always be part of our life, it is hourly.  The healing can only come from above.  The pain will never truly go away but it has eased a little with time. The question that still remains.... what's next?  Like I have said we may have a plan but ours may be different than God's. God has a plan and we are eager to see what that plan and journey may lead us.  Being human we still have to be a player in it too.  We have gotten all the blood work back from that night and everything came back perfectly except one that was just a tad high but nothing to be alarmed over.  Everything just points to a fluke!  I see it as being part of God's plan.  I was released quickly after delivery and the OB that delivered her said we could start ASAP, so with that being said we haven't stopped trying.  Suffering with PCOS though can make what is perceived easy, a little harder.  However; when I got pregnant with Cate I lost about 20 lbs and got pregnant pretty easy but I had taken Metformin during that time too.  I am not for sure if taking meds is the route that we will seek this time. So this time I am TRYING really hard at watching what I eat and exercising.  Yes I said exercising!  I signed up to TRY to run my first 5K in June.  It's a work in progress.  But its also great stress reliever and I can tell if I skip it a couple of days then I feel myself getting into that depressed mood.  As of last week, I was up to running 3 mins straight and my son has now started running with me too.  Like I said its a work in progress!
         Ultimately though it still may not be in God's plan to have more children of our own.  Sooo we signed up to take the foster to adopt classes through the state.  The first meeting is tonight and needless to say I am a little anxious about it, but we can only try.  We keep getting the question "what will we do if they decide to take them back?'  Well I am not for sure actually, but we do know how it feels to lose a child of our own and that pain is unimaginable to someone who hasn't went through it.  But what greater joy would it be to  make a difference in someone's life and be the HOPE that child is looking for? We may not be the co-creator of that soul but what if we helped a soul find its creator when it might not ever have that opportunity?  That my friends is what gives us all HOPE!
         Wow, maybe I did have a lot to say!  Peace be with you all.