It Will Be OK

It's been a month today that my angel gained her wings. It's hard to believe how fast time has passed.  My life has changed so much in a month and it feels like I have a new life and honestly I do.  I am trying to live of course more HOPEful and less fearful.   It is so very hard to live that way but ultimately God is in control.    But   I want you to remember my baby with me.  God blessed me with the role of mother and that I did,  give birth to not only one baby but two babies.  When you mention Cate, it is healing.  If I cry, if I smile, however I respond it is healing. When you talk to me about Cate, you are giving me something back. I am heartbroken and forever changed because I am missing out on so many things with my  angel but now she's is in a much better place and wouldn't want to come back. One thing my mom said that I will never forget is "while you may be upset now and you won't get to experience earthly things with her now, eternity is a much longer time than earthly time."  I am thankful for the life of my child, however brief and now she lives eternal with God.     I am humbly grateful for the things I have learned through this experience.  Today while trying to remain hopeful its hard.  I never prayed, dreamed, wished that the circumstances are what they are now but they are and I have no other choice.  But what if we did live our life without fears and worries?  What if we honestly knew that everything was going to be ok, whether for the good or the bad?  Could you imagine how much better our lives would be? So today by helping me honor God and my Cate, live without a worry and know that everything WILL be ok!

It's All in How We See Things!

There are angels all around us, sometimes you just have open up her eyes and see.   It can be co-workers who bring you food when you have lost a love one, or co-workers who take up money help with expenses,  church members who send you flowers, food and cook dinner for love ones after a funeral... or someone who simply offers up a prayer for you.  It could also be a random act of kindness that someone gives to you, but rest assured they are there.  
Or all it could take is a second look at something to see something extraordinary, heavenly angels who are among us looking over us.  I'm not one to try to find Jesus face on a piece of toast but I will admit that its all in how you look at something.    This leads me into this picture I am posting, I had looked over this picture on my camera time after time but never really looked at it.  When trying to delete it,something stopped me to make me take a closer look...like I said its all in how you see things, so if you don't see what I see that's fine because like I said before I see things through a lens of HOPE. So maybe if your loss your HOPE, you might just have to open your eyes just little more to see that its all around you!  

If you need HOPE, faith, love...he will be there!

There's Always, Always, Always Something to Be Thankful For

Losing a child can test your faith and HOPE in God.  It can make you wonder,  why me?  It can make you wonder, why God would bless you with a child and then take it away.  But the truth is God knew my daughter before she was ever conceived.  He knew how long she would live before he ever blessed me to feel her move or see her heart beating.  I KNOW that she is one of heaven's children, most people spend a whole life time trying to reach heaven but Cate gets to grow up in the arms of God and Jesus and who better than to watch over  her until we get there.  And for that I am very thankful!
I am also thankful that God chose me to be her mother because sometimes he makes us go through hard times and valleys so that we can realize how blessed we truly are.  That dreadful Friday night he could have chosen to take my life and spared Cate's but he didn't because he knew that we together had to raise our wonderful son, for this I am thankful.

 So whenever  you lose HOPE and don't know where to turn, know there is always, always, always something to be thankful for!  God gave you this life because YOU are strong enough to live it, even through the hard times.  And once you choose HOPE anything and everything is possible.

Catheryn Hope...The Most Perfect Name

Where to start?  This is my first attempt at blogging so bear with me.  I will probably ramble and babble from time to time but right now my mind isn't running on all cylinders and feel like I have a case of ADHD.  Growing up, I have always used writing as a tool for dealing with everyday life.  I haven't done it in a VERY long time so why not now with the biggest life changing event in my life, dealing with the loss of a child. I promised my little girl that I would show great honor to her most perfect name.  We had her named picked out even before we knew she was a girl.  Catheryn, because that's my husband's grandmother's name who pretty much saved his life when he was 15 years old and Hope because we never gave up HOPE that we would have another child.    I promised her that if I could show HOPE to just one person then I would make her proud and that's what I am determined to do because I never break a promise.
I have always heard the saying that your life changes when someone dies, yet the others around you go on and now I know how true that really is.  My life does go on by the grace of God and my life has changed.  I now see it out of a different lens, I see  HOPE through everything.  I may never know what God's plan is and it may one that he can only see but I trust and have faith that he can and will do great things through me, because I have HOPE that he will.