I Can't Go Any Further!

     For the past nine weeks the one thing I have desperately wanted was to be able to see Cate in my dreams.  I wanted to know, since she gained her angel wings, what did she look like?  In heaven was she a baby or was she a child?  What color of hair does she have?  What color are her eyes?  I've prayed for this but it has eluded me for weeks now but I also know that God would answer my prayer in his time, so finally this morning,  I woke up at 4:20 (yes, I looked at the clock) finally remembering a vivid dream.  In my dream, I was at my Mamaw Hall's house ( mamaw died a few days before my son was born 6 years ago) and I haven't been to her house since then.   In my dream my mamaw said "do you remember me" of course I remember you, I told her, she said "I was afraid you had forgotten about me, so come over here and give me a hug."  My mamaw was little but in my dream she was standing so tall and her hair was just perfect!  My mamaw said "do you know who this is" and I said yes and just fell to my knees.  It was Cate!  She was about the size of my six year old but was smaller,with small features, she has blonde/ashy hair, with two different color eyes, one blue and one gray and she was perfect! We just kept hugging and I didn't want to let go but she pulled away and said "mommy you have to let me go, its ok but you can't go any further it's not your time".  They also had two other children with them but I didn't know them and it didn't feel like they were mine so I really don't know how to process that, I don't know if they were the children I have lost already or if they are my future children, I just don't know.  Its just a dream I know but sometimes dreams can be the best medicine.  Because today and it might just be today I feel like I don't have an elephant standing on my chest and full of my favorite word HOPE.  So for now and how hard it is going to be, I am going to TRY to let go because I can't go any further, its not my time!

  Also to all who read this Merry Christmas from my family to yours!  Hold your family tight and just enjoy the sights, sounds and smells of Christmas!  Merry Christmas!